By Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.
During the years that I’ve been helping people who are stuck overcome the limiting beliefs that block their success, I’ve discovered that the most damaging belief people hold about themselves is “I can’t.”
We all say it, almost every day, in many ways: “I can’t lose weight.” “I can’t find a job.” “I can’t get my kids to listen to me.” “I can’t find a good relationship.” “I can’t manage my money.” “I can’t learn this.” “I can’t do it!”
When you say “I can’t,” you automatically limit yourself. You ensure that you will NOT be able to do what you say you want to do. Every time we say something or think something, we are giving instructions to our brain. Our brain always tries to please us, and takes us literally. When you say “I can’t,” your brain essentially works to create that outcome. Your brain works to make sure it thwarts any pretense of accomplishing what YOU have already decided you can’t do.
Yes, there are situations where you really don’t have the skill, talent or ability. In many cases, the real situation is not that we CAN’T, but they we haven’t chosen to develop the skills, obtain the knowledge, or apply ourselves to accomplish whatever it is. We say “I can’t do math” or “I can’t spell” when we really mean that it is difficult for us, and we haven’t learned how to do it consistently.
I know that there are times when you cannot do things with the skills you currently have. That doesn’t really mean that you CAN’T do it. It only means you can’t do it YET. If you were to choose to develop the skills or resources you need, in most cases, you probably could do whatever it is that you believe you CAN’T. True, it might take a considerable commitment and time, and you might even fail at it, but you also might surprise yourself.
When you say “I can’t” you are making a choice. You are choosing to limit yourself. Interestingly, we are much more able to see this when our children do it. When our children say “I can’t do this problem,” we know that they may be frustrated or don’t want to put out the effort to master the skill. We also know that if they continue to believe they can’t do it, in fact, they won’t be able to.
The same thing applies to us! If we choose to limit ourselves with the belief that we CAN’T do it, we cut off wonderful possibilities. Is that what you really WANT? If not, begin in a small way:
- Any time you catch yourself saying “I can’t,” change it to “I can’t—yet.”
- Figure out some small action you can take to stick your toe in the water and begin to try to do what you think you cannot do. You don’t have to master it all right away.
- Build momentum toward “I can” by taking small steps.
When you challenge that limiting belief, “I can’t,” you set in motion a new power–power that can carry you toward your dreams. Let go of that damaging belief, “I can’t,” and replace it with a new belief and the confidence that “I can!”
© 2012 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.
Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach, trainer and owner of Inner Resource Center, LLC in Maryville, TN. She has over 33 years of experience helping people overcome obstacles and self-sabotage by using her solution focused approach. She is dedicated to helping people find the resources they need to transform their lives. For more information and more free resources, go to InnerResourceCenter.com.
