By Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.
I used to be a perfectionist. Although I didn’t succeed at doing things perfectly, I tried. I used to believe it was important to do everything “exactly right.” Sometimes I wouldn’t do things because I didn’t think I could do them well enough. I figured it was better to not even try than to try and not measure up to my standards, or even worse, to fail completely. Making mistakes was something to be avoided at all costs.
That, of course, is the problem. It is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to do everything perfectly. In most things, it is very difficult to even come close. Avoiding mistakes can lead to a paralyzing inertia.
If you want everything to be perfect, you are doomed to failure. Since you can’t be perfect, you are likely to be disappointed much of the time, feeling like you are a failure. Isn’t that a depressing thought? Many people allow their perfectionism and fear of making a mistake to interfere with their ability to even make decisions at all.
Perfectionism is a pipe dream that none of us will ever achieve. That doesn’t mean you can’t do your best. But expecting yourself to be PERFECT and not make mistakes dooms you to disappointment. Worse, it is likely to keep you from making decisions, taking chances and living your life to the fullest.
Mistakes are not only an inevitable part of learning, but they can allow us to take the positive learning from those mistakes and integrate them in a powerful way into our lives. I’ve noticed that the things I’ve learned best have come from making mistakes. The things that I’ve learned easily and “got right” the first time haven’t had the impact on me, and often their lessons have not been lasting. But when you make a big mistake about something, you may discover that the things you learn from it are a gift that keeps on giving!
I once saw a t-shirt that said “Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.” How true! I finally realized that struggling to “be perfect” (and believe me, it IS a struggle) wasn’t particularly helpful to me. While I don’t go out to make mistakes deliberately, I now look at mistakes much differently. Instead of beating myself up about them, I have learned to accept them as a valuable tool. I don’t sit and wallow in guilt about them, or allow myself much time to feel bad about them. Instead, I look for the positive lesson in the experience–what have I learned–so that I don’t have to make that mistake again.
I’ve made little mistakes and big mistakes, and have learned from each situation. I believe that if you are going to go through something negative, you might as well put it to good use and LEARN from it. I’m determined to learn from my mistakes and to develop lots of good judgment as a result!
The most important lesson is to not allow your mistakes to stop you from moving on, taking new risks, making other decisions, and experiencing life–mistakes and all.
When you let go of perfectionism and embrace the positive learning from all of your experiences, you’ll develop the judgment you need to move forward in your life.
© 2012 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.
Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach, trainer and owner of Inner Resource Center, LLC in Maryville, TN. She has more than 30 years of experience helping people overcome obstacles and self-sabotage by using her solution focused approach. She is dedicated to helping people find the resources they need to live meaningful, happy lives. For more information and free resources, go to InnerResourceCenter.com.
