Have you ever noticed that when you jump outside your usual routine, it sometimes takes awhile to get back into the swing of things again?  That is definitely what I’m noticing this week.  For the past two weeks, I’ve been vacationing in Mexico and just letting myself totally relax.  The week prior to that, my father died, and I was caught up in all that entailed.  As a result I’m back at work after almost 3 weeks, but out of practice at dealing with the things that are usually part of my day. 

The question of how to get back into my routine has definitely hit me! Here’s what I think are essential steps to getting back “on track.” 

• Get plenty of rest.  Even after a relaxing vacation, my travel schedule meant I didn’t get a full night’s sleep.  I’ve noticed that I don’t think well when I’m really tired.  No one does.
   
• Make a list of the most immediate things to do, even if they are things you usually did by routine.  When you’ve been away from that routine, you’ve interrupted the pattern and it is easy to forget to do even important tasks, such as paying bills.
   
• Set priorities.  What is the most important thing to do immediately?  What can wait a few days?  What are the most urgent tasks?  Tackle those first.
   
• Sort less important things to wait until later.  When you are going through the mail or email, sort through it and only open the things that are important.  This isn’t the time to look at the catalog from your favorite store or read the funny jokes your friends have sent you.  Those will eat up so much of your time, you may never get through it all.
   
• If possible, re-enter slowly.  Give yourself some time to get back into the swing of things.  Don’t over-schedule yourself the first day or two back.  You might not be able to help this, but if you can, give yourself time to adjust.  Don’t expect yourself to be functioning on all cylinders immediately.
   
• Set reasonable expectations.  As much as you might want to get back into the swing of things or to “hit the ground running,” it probably isn’t reasonable to expect yourself to function at maximum efficiency after being gone.  Depending on the reasons for your absence, you may need to adjust your schedule.  For example, you may not feel up to putting in a full day if you’ve been sick.  Cut yourself some slack. 
   
• Ask for help.  Delegate to others when you need to.  Say “no” to things you can’t manage on your own.  Let people who depend on you know what your limits are.
   
• Realize it’s only temporary.  Don’t worry about being slow to get back into your routine.  You will get there.    

If you’ve had to face the challenge of getting back into your routine after an illness, a vacation, or particularly stressful life experience, please share what has worked for you.  After all, “we get by with a little help from our friends.”    

Actually, I’m going to go back and listen to a teleclass recording I did about how to Banish Overwhelm.  (If you are interested, go to  http://innerresourcecenter.com/products/banish-self-sabotage-series/banish-overwhelm). We all need refresher courses every now and then!  

(c) 2012 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.

Every year I take a few weeks in the winter and go someplace warm.  Usually I end up going to Cancun, which I love for the weather, the people, the Mayan culture, and the variety of activities to do while I’m there. I take time to relax and rejuvenate myself.  I reconnect with myself and usually a friend or family member. 

I think it is important to do that—to break with routine, to let go of work—and just feed my soul with beautiful surroundings, wonderful people, and the opportunity to catch up with myself.  It allows me to think, to dream, and to look at myself clearly, away from my daily activities. 

I use this time as a retreat for myself.  I sleep.  I walk on the beach.  I share stories with my friends.  I get a hot stone massage, allowing the warmth just to bake into my bones.  I read voraciously.  I needlepoint on whatever project I’ve selected for this decade.  Sometimes I write poetry.  Sometimes I write in a journal.  I make plans. 

I allow myself to explore creatively whatever thoughts pop into my head without concern about turning them into goals yet.  This is about meandering in my mind.  Exploring ideas.  Dreaming dreams.  Considering “what ifs?” This is about refreshing myself and creating something new. 

Stay tuned.  I’ll be back next week.  In the meantime, when is YOUR next retreat?  What would be the ideal setting for you?  Take a moment to dream about it…

Last week my father, Tony Marinaccio, aged 99, finally let go after struggling for months to recover from a broken hip, surgery to replace it, and two bouts with pneumonia.  Although I’m saddened by his passing, I’m also relieved that he finally let go and is no longer struggling and suffering.

Letting go is difficult, whether it is the letting go he did—that final act of letting go and dying—or whether it is letting go of other things in our lives.  As much as we resist it, letting go is a natural part of life and very necessary. 

We have to let go of our childhood to be able to grow up and become adults.  We have to let go of clutter (emotional and physical) in order to see what resources we have.  We have to let go of relationships that don’t work any longer—friendships, competition with colleagues, even relationships involving love so that we can find others that fit us better.  We have to let go of clothes that no longer fit, or things we’ve worn out, even though they are much-loved.  We have to let go of special people and animals who have lived their lives and have finally come to the end. 

Our lives are full of examples of letting go.  And each one is challenging.   Sometimes it is even difficult to let go of trials and challenges that have defined us in our younger years (or even more recently).  Sometimes people think they need to hang on to the traumas they’ve suffered, when they could let go.  Sometimes the familiar problem is more comfortable than that scary feeling of letting go.  When you let go, what happens?  Where do you go?  How do you define yourself if you let go of the past?

I often see people swinging on a metaphorical trapeze, back and forth, back and forth, unable to move, afraid to let go.  Letting go is the only way off the trapeze, and the only way to move yourself forward.

Think about it.  Is there anything that you could let go of this week? Consider letting go of ONE SMALL THING–just for practice.  What would change about your life if you were able to let go? What do you need to know in order to allow yourself to let go?  (Keep in mind that there are often people who are happy to help support you in the process—they are your safety net).  Start small.  And when you are ready for the big stuff, let me know.

When I started out in psychology so many years ago, I was curious about why people did things, why they behaved as they did.  I was curious about why I sabotaged myself and why others seemed to do the same. 

It’s probably a familiar story for most of us.  We have the best of intentions—to advance our career, to reach a specific goal, to lose weight, to stop smoking, to change our lifestyle, to spend more time with family.  Whatever it is, we want to do it, but somewhere along the line, we sabotage ourselves and stop doing what we ought to be doing in order to reach that goal.

We think that if we understood WHY we sabotage ourselves, we could change it.  Sometimes we spend years exploring this question.  While the answers we come up with may be intellectually interesting, they really don’t help us change the behavior. 

The real answer to the question “why?”  Because we want to at the time; it seems like a good idea at the time; we want to give in to the short-term pleasure; no one is there to stop us; because we can.  While knowing “why” may be helpful in designing an intervention to overcome your inclination to sabotage yourself, it really isn’t enough. 

The bottom line is: Do you want to change the behavior?  If you do, there are ways to do that without wasting all your time and energy pursuing the answer to “why.”  Quite frankly, the “why” becomes a stalling technique and keeps you from changing the behavior.  You become so absorbed in chasing the “why” that you don’t do the things necessary to actually change your behavior.  Ever end up wondering why you continue to sabotage yourself, even though you know why you are sabotaging yourself?

Ultimately, you hold the responsibility for making the changes—or not.  You get to decide.  If you want to change it, get help with the tools that can help you make the change necessary.  Still sabotaging yourself?  Get help to change that behavior too.  Just knowing why, although very interesting, won’t get you where you need to go. 

If you are REALLY ready to make a change and to stop sabotaging yourself, contact Linda Pucci, Ph.D. at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com to talk about your situation. We’ve got the tools to help you make the changes quickly.  And you don’t even need to know “why.”

It might seem odd, but I often really applaud impatience.  You see, I tend to appreciate people who don’t want to waste time.  The older I’ve become, the more aware of time I’ve gotten, and the more eager I am to “get on with it.”

Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like to savor things, or to relax.  I definitely see the importance of that.  It’s just that I think sometimes people take too long to move forward when going slowly isn’t necessary. They end up wasting a lot of time. 

I don’t mean to offend you if you are one of those people who enjoy researching a topic thoroughly before making a decision.  I would agree that there is definitely a time for doing that.  I’m talking about those of you who use the research as a way of procrastinating, those for whom the research never seems to end. 

The same goes for training.  I’m a big believer in education, but for most things, you don’t really need lots of letters after your name, or to take every training course known to man.  You can learn what you need and move on. 

I also want to challenge people who think it takes a lot of time to change some pattern of behavior.  It doesn’t take years of psychotherapy to get over a trauma. You can take that long if you want, but it isn’t really necessary.  You don’t really have to pick at those emotional scabs over and over again until they bleed.  You can clean them out and move on.

Also, contrary to popular opinion, it doesn’t take three weeks (21 days) to change a habit.  You can actually change a habit instantly—at the moment that you decide to do something else.  Yes, you may want to test it for three weeks to convince yourself that you’ve really changed, but the change itself can be instantaneous. 

My point is that change is not only possible, it is relatively easy.  It doesn’t have to take forever.  Honestly, you don’t honor whatever junk you’ve been through in your life by hanging on to it for years.  If you were abused as a child, or lost someone special, or went through a divorce, or had/have some other struggle, you don’t have to suffer with it.  Decide how long you will let it block you; then decide to move on.  If you need to, get help to do this. 

Imagine if you could just let go of all that emotional baggage (what I call emotional clutter or mental clutter) and create the sort of life you always dreamed about.  What would that be? What have you always wanted?  Focus on what you want, and find a way to move forward.

If you want some help, contact me about my Intensive Sessions.  You can leave your baggage behind in as little as 4 days. Go to http://innerresourcecenter.com/services-offered/intensive-programs/intensive-personal-breakthrough-sessions and let me know that you want more information.

P.S.  Okay, I know that as a psychologist and psychotherapist, I may put myself out of business by helping people achieve results quickly.  That’s okay.  I want you to know that change is possible and doesn’t have to take long to achieve.  I’m happy to teach you how to do it.   If it ever happens that all the impatient people have made their changes and no one else wants to change quickly, I’ll move on too.  

Have you set some goals for 2012?  If so, make sure you follow the 7 secrets to goal setting to make sure they are achievable.  Otherwise, what’s the point in setting them?

Secret #1:   You get what you focus on, so focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want.

There is a part of your brain (the reticular activating system) that tries to find you more of what you are thinking about. If you are thinking about things you don’t want to have happen, you tend to create that outcome because your brain thinks that is what you want.  Focus instead on the outcome you want to have happen and put your brain to work creating it for you.       

 Secret #2:   Your goal must be compelling.

If your goal isn’t compelling enough, it just becomes one more thing on your “to do” list.  It has to be juicy enough that you really want to reach it.

Secret #3:   Make your goal a “moving toward” goal.

We move toward pleasure and away from pain. Many people set goals that are “moving away from” goals–they want to avoid pain or discomfort.  While “moving away from”  goals are highly motivating, they don’t keep you motivated in the long run.  Eventually you have enough money to keep you from being poor, or have lost enough weight that you aren’t fat.  Plus, your focus is on what you don’t want.  Focus on moving toward something positive for more consistent results.

Secret #4:   State your goal as a SMART goal.

 Your goals should be

Specific

Measurable

As If Now (stated in the present tense)

Realistic

Timed (have a deadline)

Secret #5:   Write it down.

When you write your goal down, your brain hurries to achieve it.  When you write it down and read it every day, you work on it unconsciously. 

Secret #6:   Visualize your success in all 5 senses if possible.

When you have achieved your goal, what will you SEE?  What will you HEAR?  What will others say?   What will you FEEL?  What will you SMELL?  What will you TASTE?  You are creating a template for your brain to follow.  

Secret #7:       Take action.

You’ll never achieve your goal unless you take action.  A goal without action is merely a dream. Nice to think about, but not achievable.

When you have finally achieved your goal, CELEBRATE!  After all, isn’t it great to achieve something that you have wanted?

©  2012   Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.   

This time of year is the perfect time for doing strategic planning if you haven’t done it yet. Many businesses and entrepreneurs make sure they do strategic planning for their company at least every two years, and review it least once a year to make major adjustments. Strategic planning identifies where the company or entrepreneur wants to be at some point in the future and how it is going to get there.

Strategic planning involves looking at what the company is all about—the vision, mission, and values, and what the company’s objectives and goals are. Objectives and goals are clearly tied to the vision, mission and values, assuring that goals and objectives are congruent with what the company is all about. Once goals are set, the most important part becomes setting up a plan for achieving those goals. The key is that that plan is strategic—it is a carefully laid out strategy for reaching the goals. That strategy pays ongoing attention to changes in the company or external environment that impact the success of the plan. In other words, plans for achieving goals are continually adjusted.

While strategic planning is an essential tool for businesses, it isn’t just for businesses anymore. Individuals can use this same process to create a strategic plan for their life. Like strategic planning for businesses, this process involves examining the vision you have for your life, your mission, your values and what you need to change to make your life really fit the direction you want to go.

Just as in business you would examine the SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats) the same process applies to your individual life. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What opportunities are available to you? What threatens the life you want? How do you sabotage yourself most often? What obstacles typically show up for you?

The key is in using this process to develop your goals and the strategy for achieving those goals. It isn’t a matter of just saying, “I want to lose weight this year” or “I want to double my income.” You need to understand how those goals relate to YOU—how are the goals congruent with your life purpose, your mission and your values?

Why? When your goals are really congruent with you, they are much easier to achieve. They represent who you really are, and you are much more able to overcome internal or external obstacles because you will have the passion for it. Those goals will become so compelling and personal that you’ll do whatever needs to be done to reach them.

If you’ve struggled in the past with unachieved goals, consider using this process to outline your direction for the 2012. If you want help with your strategic planning, contact me (Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com) to discuss your situation and what developing a strategic plan for your LIFE entails.

© 2012  Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.

As a therapist and coach, I find people often struggle with emotions. Some people have trouble feeling their emotions at all–they have numbed themselves so completely that they neither feel particularly good nor particularly bad. This is a problem because they don’t know what they feel. There isn’t enough intensity to register the emotion.

Others feel their emotions so intensely that the negative emotions disrupt their lives. They are so depressed, angry, fearful, hurt or guilty that they cannot enjoy their lives. This is a problem for them, as well as for those with whom they interact.

Much of what I do in my work with clients is to help them figure out what to do about their emotions. Sometimes this means helping them identify what they are feeling and what to do about it; other times it means letting go of the negative emotion so that they are able to get the lessons from their life experiences and move on.

One of the challenges is figuring out the message from a specific emotion. This is often the task my clients face–understanding the messages their emotions bring them, then figuring out what to do about it.

Deciphering the message behind emotions is a three-step task:

Step 1: You must identify the emotion. What are you feeling? Most of us carry emotions in our bodies, and, with practice, you can learn what emotion causes that feeling in the pit of your stomach, or makes your head tingle. The sensations and locations are unique to each individual, and usually to each emotion. It requires you to “tune in” to your insides, paying attention to the sensations you have and determining what the emotion is behind them. This takes practice!

Step 2: Once you have determined what emotion you are feeling, you must next determine the reason for the emotion. I suspect that our emotions evolved as a way to signal us to pay attention to something. Emotions carry with them messages and underscore the learning that we are supposed to get from our experiences.

According to Karla McLaren’s book “Emotional Genius: Discovering the Deepest Language of the Soul“, anger typically carries with it the message that your boundaries are being violated, or that someone isn’t being congruent in their interactions with you–that their inside intention doesn’t match the outside persona they display to the world. The emotion of frustration is there to give you the message that the action you are taking is not effective. Sadness is a signal asking you to allow the release of an imminent loss—one that it is in our best interest to let go. Grief signals that we have no choice about releasing something, that the loss or death has already occurred. Fear is a message to pay attention to danger; that is a threat to our physical, mental, emotional or spiritual well-being. Vulnerability signals that something significant is about to change or be revealed. Hurt is a message that someone has done something to violate a boundary. Guilt is about you violating someone else’s boundaries or your own (usually not living according to your own values). These are the negative emotions that typically cause the most difficulty.

Notice that there is no judgment about emotions. The message from the emotion is there, and if heeded, the emotion dissipates. Message received. It is when the message is ignored, however, that problems begin. Like a child having a temper tantrum who is being ignored, the emotion intensifies. It may then begin to cause serious problems such as depression, rage, shame, suicidal urges, anxiety and/or panic. Heeding the message then may be problematic because of the impact those intensified emotions have on our lives and those around us. It is never too late, however. Paying attention to the message behind the emotion takes practice, but better allows you to live your life the way you were intended to live–full of happiness, joy and peace.

Step 3: The final step in the process is taking action. What do you need to do to heed the message your emotions have brought you? This might mean enforcing your boundaries with someone who takes advantage of you, grieving the loss of someone who has died, or looking at what you need to do to feel safe, for example. Once you take action about the message, the emotion can dissipate and you’ll notice far more of those positive messages.

If you want help managing emotions that are too intense or emotions that you’ve numbed so much you no longer feel them, consider getting help with this issue. It doesn’t require years of therapy. There are now several techniques that can help you move on and do it quickly. Want more information? Contact Linda Pucci, Ph.D. at 865-983-7544 or email me at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com to schedule a phone or SKYPE session to discuss your situation.

© 2012 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

“You must remain focused on your journey to greatness.” ~Les Brown

It is sometimes easy easy to lose your focus on your big dreams in the midst of everyday life. This is especially true when we get busy with the holidays or other demands on our time and energy. You may have to attend to the small things in your midst, but keeping your eye on where you are really going is essential. Think of it this way: If you are driving in lots of traffic, you have to pay attention to the cars and pedestrians around you, but you still need to be looking ahead to where you are going. Your journey to greatness is the same. You always need to keep your focus on where you are going. That way you can choose your route more effectively.

This week: Remember to pay attention to your big dream. What is your goal? Write it down. Look at the activities, tasks and appointments you have in your life this week. Ask yourself: How are these related to my big goal, my big dream? Just notice. See if you can find the connection. If there are no connections (which is unlikely, even if the activities your are involved with are teaching you about balance and time management), create an activity that WILL carry you forward toward that big goal. It can be small. Just something to keep you moving on your journey to greatness.

Linda Pucci is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people reach their goals, even goals they didn’t think they could really accomplish. For more information about her services, go to Inner Resource Center.